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    Monty Python
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    Cheese Shop

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    Cheese Shop
    Released


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      About "Cheese Shop"

      Lyrics for Monty Python - "Cheese Shop"

      Good Morning
      Morning, sir
      Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium
      Ah, thank you, my good man
      What can I do for you, sir?

      Well, I was sitting in the public library
      On Thurmon Street just now
      Skimming through Rogue Herry's by Hugh Walpole
      And I suddenly came over all peckish

      Peckish, sir?
      Esuriant
      Eh
      'Ee, ah wor 'ungry-loike
      Ah, hungry

      In a nutshell, and I thought
      To myself, A little fermented curd will do the trick
      So I curtailed my Walloping activities
      Sallied forth and infiltrated your place
      Of purveyance to negotiate the vending
      Of some cheesy comestibles

      Come again
      I want to buy some cheese
      Oh, I thought you were complaining
      About the bouzouki player
      Oh, heaven forbid, I am one who delights
      In all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse

      Sorry?
      'Ooh, ah like a nice tune, 'yer forced too
      So he can go on playing, can he
      Most certainly, now then
      Some cheese please, my good man

      Certainly, sir, what would you like?
      Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester?
      I'm afraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir
      Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?

      I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week
      Sir, we get it fresh on Monday
      Tish tish, no matter, well stout yeoman
      Four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please

      Ah, it's been on order, sir, for two weeks
      Was expecting it this morning
      T's not my lucky day, is it, aah, Bel Paese?
      Sorry, sir

      Red Windsor?
      Normally, sir, yes, today the van broke down
      Ah, Stilton?
      Sorry

      Ementhal, Gruyere?
      No
      Any Norwegian Jarlsberg, per chance?
      No

      Lepta?
      No
      Lancaster?
      No

      White Stilton?
      No
      Danish Brew?
      No

      Double Gloucester?
      No
      Cheshire?
      No

      Dorset Bluveny?
      No
      Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq
      Port Salut, Savoy Aire
      Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest
      Bres Bleu, Bruson?
      No

      Camembert, perhaps?
      Ah, we have Camembert, yes, sir
      You do, excellent
      Yes, sir, it's, ah, it's a bit runny
      Oh, I like it runny

      Well, it's very runny, actually, sir
      No matter, fetch hither
      The fromage de la Belle France, mwah

      I think it's a bit runnier
      Than you'll like it, sir
      I don't care how fucking runny it is
      Hand it over with all speed

      Oh!
      What now?
      The cat's eaten it
      Has he?
      She, sir

      Gouda?
      No
      Edam?
      No

      Case Ness?
      No
      Smoked Austrian?
      No

      Japanese Sage Darby?
      No, sir
      You do have some cheese, do you?
      Of course, sir, it's a cheese shop, sir, we've got
      No, no, don't tell me, I'm keen to guess
      Fair enough

      Uh, Wensleydale?
      Yes
      Ah, well, I'll have some of that
      Oh, I thought you were talking to me, sir
      Mister Wensleydale, that's my name

      Greek Feta?
      Uh, not as such
      Uh, Gorgonzola?
      No

      Parmesan?
      No
      Mozzarella?
      No

      Paper Cramer?
      No
      Danish Bimbo?
      No

      Czech sheep's milk?
      No
      Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
      Not today, sir, no

      Aah, how about Cheddar?
      Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir
      Not much call, it's the single most
      Popular cheese in the world

      Not 'round here, sir
      And what is the most
      Popular cheese 'round here?
      Illchester, sir

      Is it?
      Oh, yes, it's staggeringly
      Popular in this manusquire
      Is it?
      It's our number one best seller, sir
      I see, uh, Illchester, eh
      Right, sir?

      All right, okay, have you got any?
      He asked expecting the answer 'No'
      I'll have a look, sir, um, no
      It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?

      Finest in the district
      Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please
      Well, it's so clean, sir
      It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese

      You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir
      Is it worth it?
      Could be
      Have you, shut that bloody bouzouki up
      Told you sir

      Have you got any Limburger?
      No
      Figures, predictable, really I suppose
      It was an act of purest optimism
      To have posed the question in the first place

      Tell me?
      Yes, sir
      Have you, in fact, got any cheese here at all?
      Yes, sir
      Really?
      No, not really, sir

      You haven't?
      No, sir, not a scrap
      I was deliberately
      Wasting your time, sir

      Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going
      To have to shoot you
      Right-o, sir
      What a senseless waste of human life

      SONGWRITERS:
      CHAPMAN, GRAHAM/CLEESE, JOHN/GILLIAM/IDLE, ERIC/JONES, TERRY / PALIN, MICHAEL
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